Discussing Mental Illness in New Relationships

You chatted online for a few weeks, your first few dates went well, and you felt like you would never come down from this high. Although you would prefer this euphoric feeling to keep going, there is something lurking in the back of your mind. How are you going to tell them? 

No Need for a Fix

You are thinking of talking to your new love interest about the state of your mental health. The shame, embarrassment and/or guilt about your condition gives you trouble to bring it up casually. Nonetheless, you would sometimes rather those thoughts disappear into oblivion, sooner than sharing them with a partner for the first time. The thought of a lover losing interest in the relationship because of the presence of mental illness challenges can be anxiety-inducing in itself.

Mental health is serious, yes, but it should not dictate your life. You are not a broken car nor do you need to be fixed. While you know your emotions fluctuate at times, they also allow the world to enjoy the intensity of your personality. Mental illness is only another barrier in the many ways you will encounter adversity in your relationships. Hence, you do not need to overcome your disability to be deserving of love, you just need to live alongside of it. 

What You Can Do

Whenever you are dating someone new, you should inform your partner about the state of your mental health, and the personal struggles you deal with as a result, as soon as you are comfortable with the idea of sharing that information. Try to think of it as if you were talking about another problem bothering your life, such as a stressful day at work, or a harsh workout. Doing so opens the door for more open and effective communication, thus a more viable relationship down the line. 

Then, you should let your lover know about your needs and expectations in a relationship. It is completely acceptable to expect them to show support. Nevertheless, you should also be seeking support outside the relationship, whether that be from loved ones or health professionals. Indeed, you should be careful not to turn your significant other into your therapist. Encouraging your partner to educate themselves about the issues you are facing on their own, so they can be equipped with better tools in dating a person with a psychosocial disability, is also an idea worth exploring.

A Fine Line

However, you must realize that all needs cannot be met by your partner. The specificities of your own mental illness are yours, but sharing is caring. Discussing serious topics affecting your life and ability to fully participate in society with a significant other can help lessen the stigma and oppression you might be facing by sharing the burden. Thus, share the past, discuss the present and look onward, because effective communication is a trademark of great relationships.