Dating a Partner With a Disability: The Importance of Emotional Support

If you are a person who is not living with a disability, while dating a partner who is, you might be tempted to take on more responsibility in an attempt to help them. You might be looking for some advice on how you can help them with their daily challenges.  

Respect Their Independence

First, what you need to do is respect their independence. As counterintuitive as it may seem at first, sometimes the best thing you can do is to trust them. Although you may fall into the position of caregiver at times, your partner is not your patient, they are your lover. Misplaced help can feel patronizing and make your partner think you pity them.

Therefore, you should be careful to respect their pride while lending a hand, and  not assume that they are struggling and need you to do everything for them. They do not need fixing; they are not broken. While the helplessness you are feeling as you watch your partner struggle might urge you to jump in and take over, you should never do so without asking first.

The best you can offer

Indeed, the best way to know how to help your significant other is to ask them directly. Unique people have unique needs. At times, the best help you will provide might just be your attention and sympathy. At other times, it might be accompanying them to an important medical appointment or taking on some of the emotional load off of planning your outings.

Take them seriously. Offer your sincere help and support. In the words of disability rights speaker and writer, Amy Oulton, sometimes people living with a  disability simply need to hear: “Is there any way that I can help you here?” Ask, and be receptive to them communicating their needs, for this process can only deepen your relationship.

A Successful Partnership

Partners are two parts of an equal partnership. Regardless of whether they are living with a disability or not,  couples help each other all the time. Pursuing a relationship with a partner who is living with a disability is just like any other relationship, it requires sensitivity and emotional support. Supporting each other emotionally through life is what keeps couples strong against all the adversity they will encounter over the years.

However, society already puts the responsibility of overcoming disabling barriers onto the person living with the disability. Your partner does not need to take on the responsibility of your feelings regarding your discomfort to their condition. Acknowledging the disability is crucial, but centering the relationship around the disability is not. 

Instead, take an honest approach. Respect and listen to your partner. Ask them about the good and the bad. Be emotionally available for them, and while it may be hard at times, know it is all worth it to share your life with the person you love.