Hans My Hedgehog — Obscure Fairy Tales

Some time ago, a farmer wished he had a child. He longed for an offspring so badly that he prayed to get any child, even a hedgehog! Little did he know that his wish would be granted in a twisted way.

One early morning, as the sun rose in the horizon and the birds started singing, the farmer opened the door of his house to get to work but stopped right in his tracks. A basket laid at his feet, with a funny-looking creature inside it. What seemed to be a small animal at first sight turned out to be a baby boy from the waist down, and a hedgehog from the waist up.

The farmer looked around, questioning the origin of this strange gift at his door, and when he found no one, he picked up the basket and brought it inside.

“Whatever will I do with you,” said the man. “I shall call you Hans, Hans my hedgehog.”

The farmer then raised the hedgehog boy as his own son, showing him how to plow the land, harvest vegeatables and take care of the livestock. As he grew older, Hans dreamed of leaving the farm and seeing the world. Like a hedgehog, he always felt most at home in the forest, where the air smelled like pine and the ground was never really quiet from all the life creeping under the leaves and sticks scattered around.

One day, while at the local market together, Hans asked his father to buy him bagpipes. His father gladly obliged, wanting only to make his child happy despite his physical condition. Hans learned to play the bagpipes on his own, sharing the rythms of his heart with his father and the livestock, but he still yearned for the forest.

Thus, he sent out to leave his father one day. The farmer, wanting to make sure his son would have company on his journey, encouraged him to leave with some of the farm animals. Hans left the farm riding his mature rooster, with a few pigs and donkeys following him.

For many years, Hans lived alone with his animal buddies in the forest, playing the bagpipes and living off of what the woods had to offer. Until one day, he met a lost king. The latter had gotten separated from his entourage after crossing the river nearby, which was quite a tricky spot for unwarned travellers to wander into. Hans knew the area well, and understood that the king had only a slight chance of making it out alive without his help.

Thus, Hans took the opportunity to ask for something in return for his help to the king. He wanted to have the first thing that would greet the king when he came back home. Expecting the young hedgehog man to be illiterate, the king took a chance to offer to put it in writing to seal the deal. Hans agreed and they both signed the contract.

Little did Hans know, the king had tricked him. The royal had written on the parchemin that Hans would get nothing for his service, against his spoken word.

Unaware of the trickery, Hans helped the king through the woods and guided him back to his castle, where he was greeted by his daughter. Hans then asked for the princess’s hand in mariage, as per their agreement. The request was denied by the king, who revealed the trickery he unknowingly made Hans sign.

Hans did not seem bothered by the deception, and went back to the woods with his animal friends, playing the bagpipes and living off the forest once again.

Many months later, another king wandered into the woods alone, coming back from a banquet in a nearby area. He asked Hans for his help to navigate the thick forest and get home safe, which was accepted by Hans, under the condition that the king would give the hedgehog man the first thing that greeted him when he returned home. The king agreed and put it in writing, without deception this time.

Hans guided the nobleman through the forest he knew like the back of his paw, until they both reached the king’s castle. As soon as they crossed the castle’s gates, the king’s daughter came running, hugging her dad back from his journey. Hans then asked for the princess’s hand in mariage, as per their agreement. The request was accepted by the king, who asked his daughter if she would honour his word. Despite the hedgehog man’s appearance, the princess agreed to marry Hans, out of love for her father.

As the two young adults were promised to each other, Hans went back to the forest to gather up his belongings and animals. On his way to his wedding, he stopped by the first king’s castle, again asking for his daughter to be given to him. But the princess did not want to honour the agreement and refused to be given to the hedgehog man. The king also refused, but eventually caved out of guilt, after Hans’ insistance.

Hans thus brought the lady out of the castle, undressed her and pricked her with his pricks until she was bloody all over, and sent her back to her father in disgrace. The hedgehog man then went on his way, feeling happy about hurting the princess who rejected him of her own will because of her father’s spoken agreement.

When Hans arrived to the second king’s castle, Hans, his bagpipes and his array of farm animals entered the courtyard and asked for the king. The latter was happy to help him get ready for his wedding ceremony, dressing his future son-in-law in the finest garnments and jewels.

Despite her agreement to marry Hans, the princess retained a bit of apprehension about the whole situation. She was willing to marry the hedgehog man, but would refuse to kiss him out of fear of his pricks. Hans understood her fear and agreed not to kiss during the ceremony.

In preparation for the wedding night, Hans asked the king for two things. He wanted a fire set in the hallway outside his room and four guards to remain by the door at all times. The king, puzzled, gave in despite the weirdness of the requests, as he assumed those were normal traditions for the hedgehog man.

Thus, before the princess and Hans got ready for bed, Hans undressed, and asked the guards to throw him in the fire, watch the heat burn off his skin until it turned to mere ashes and dust and then wash his body. As the guards did so, they saw the hedgehog skin burn to mere ashes and dust, and Hans body turn black, seemingly without hurting him one bit.

As Hans emerged from the fire, he was unrecognizable. As dark as coal and as hot as ember, he needed to be washed thouroughly in many water basins before he was deemed clean. Soap and water not only removed the burnt off flesh, but it revealed a handsome gentleman underneath, as the fire cured Hans from his affliction.

As he got ready for bed, the princess, surprised at his new look, was suddenly eager to kiss him. The pricks bothered her no more, and she felt quite aroused by the beautiful man standing before her in their chambers. The newlyweds did was newlyweds do best and gave in to their lust.

And thus is the story of Hans My Hedgehog.

The serie Obscure Fairy Tales encompasses an array of tales, myths and legends from around the world. To read more, visit this page dedicated to fiction writing.